I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Randomize
