There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
