he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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