Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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