Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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