I'm gonna have a badass scar
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
