wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he thought i was a dude.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
