she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
