we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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