I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
