Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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