So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
