Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
