somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Redeem this text for a blowjob
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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