I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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