Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
