I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Randomize
