UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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