i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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