My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
what day is it and did you see me today?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
