It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
