guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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