I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
