Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
