im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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