I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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