Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
