using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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