I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
