You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just found a bag of teeth...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
