I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
