So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Boobs are out for the taking
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
