I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
