I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize