yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
