i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
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