I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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