I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
