Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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