What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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