He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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