When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
