I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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