Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I have demons in me.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
