You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
