Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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