it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
