We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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