I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
