im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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