then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
