Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
