Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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