I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize