u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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