i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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