I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You left your phone here
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