no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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