We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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