woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm determined to sit on that face.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
