He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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