ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
