Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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