she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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