if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
