I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
