How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
