Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
