Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
