LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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